Following a cold open that saw Pete Davidson debut his creepy, Quagmire-esque Matt Gaetz, Saturday Night Live’s “Weekend Update” continued the onslaught.
“Representative Matt Gaetz, who looks like a caricature-artist drawing of me, is reportedly under investigation for an alleged sexual relationship with an underage girl—because Gaetz believes that only voters should have to show ID,” joked Colin Jost. “It’s also being reported that Gaetz may have paid for sex with women he met online. That story has since been confirmed by his whole vibe.”
Yes, Gaetz is currently under investigation for allegedly conducting a sexual relationship with a 17-year-old girl, and for possibly violating sex-trafficking laws by paying for her to travel across state lines. Furthermore, as CNN reported, Gaetz also stands accused of showing nude photos of women he’d supposedly slept with to fellow congressmen on the House floor and having ecstasy-fueled romps with prostitutes.
Jost then addressed Gaetz’s incredibly strange (and unconvincing) statement on the allegations, delivered in the third person: “Matt Gaetz has never paid for sex… Matt Gaetz has never ever been on any such websites whatsoever… Matt Gaetz cherishes the relationships in his past and looks forward to marrying the love of his life.”
To that, Jost released his own statement in response: “Colin Jost does not believe you… Colin Jost thinks you have been to alllll the websites… Colin Jost thinks you should hold off on sending out those wedding invites.”
Of course, the Trump-loving QAnon crowd—conspiracy theorists who believe that Trump, a good friend of Jeffrey Epstein’s, was somehow waging covert battle against an army of Democratic and Hollywood pedophile sex traffickers—has been remarkably silent concerning the Gaetz revelations.
“Here’s the craziest part of this story to me: a sitting congressman is being accused of child trafficking and the QAnon people are suddenly like, ‘Nah, I need more evidence,’” cracked Jost. “That was your whole thing! I mean, come on! Matt Gaetz’s girlfriend, she was allegedly 17, the 17th letter in the alphabet is Q, it all adds up! What are you waiting for? The storm is finally here, and QAnon is like, ‘You can’t believe everything you read on the internet.’”
If that weren’t enough, Gaetz was the only representative in Congress to vote against a 2017 human trafficking bill.